I was going to write a story about the squirrels that live in my backyard when this Internet news headline caught my attention: “Unhappy People Watch Lots More TV”.

Yes, several sociologists at the University of Maryland were paid to analyze data that was provided by something called the General Social Survey, and then, someone at “LiveScience.com” was paid to create the catchy headline and someone else was paid to write a short piece that lacks any significant factual information. I don’t want to be paid to do the research, and I’m not qualified to study the data, but I would like to write the headlines: “Unhappy People Eat Happy Meals at McDonald’s”, “Unhappy People Go on Shopping Binges at WalMart”, “Unhappy People Listen to Talk Radio Shows All Day” or “Watching More TV Makes Unhappy People Unhappier”. Are there millions of unhappy people roaming the land? Probably. Are there millions of unhappy people roaming the land that need to be identified and, therefore, research into their TV watching habits needs to be conducted? Apparently.

So, what exactly is the General Social Survey? The GSS, according to its website “is one of NORC’s (National Opinion Research Center) flagship surveys and … longest running project. The GSS started in 1972 and will begin its 27th round in 2008… The GSS is the largest project funded by the Sociology Program of the National Science Foundation. Except for the U.S. Census, the GSS is the most frequently analyzed source of information in the social sciences.” This, of course, tells you almost nothing. It’s scary, but hardly illuminating.

And what about the web site “LiveScience.com”? This popular web site apparently exists to keep its eye out for research studies, and then write about them, using ridiculous headlines to grab attention. Consider these headlines I’ve chosen at random from the site: “Happiness Buys Success”, “Hunger Can Make You Happy”, “Conservatives Happier Than Liberals”. None of these stories, by the way, contain the minimum daily allowance of scientific knowledge needed to exist on planet Earth.

The most interesting part of the TV watching study was left out of most articles or glossed over. The study’s co-author, Sociologist Steven Martin, likens the short, temporary pleasure of television to addiction: “Addictive activities produce momentary pleasure and long-term misery and regret,” he says. “People most vulnerable to addiction tend to be socially or personally disadvantaged. For this kind of person, TV can become a kind of opiate in a way. It’s habitual, and tuning in can be an easy way of tuning out.”

In my experience (I have been both happy and unhappy at certain points in my life); TV does serve a role as a Happy Pill. Unhappy people watch too much TV. They tell friends and relatives (and, sometimes, therapists) that they are unhappy. They exercise less, eat unhealthy foods, sleep poorly and. Therapists call it depression. It is well documented, to say the least. It doesn’t seem to be deserving of national headlines, except that it panders to an emerging, popular, journalistic theme: Hard times are coming and with it, a glut of Unhappy People.

Many people are Unhappy and it’s up to the Fourth Estate to find out why. It can’t be the collapse of the banking system or the auto industry. It can’t be the fact that millions of people are losing their homes and jobs and life savings. It’s not those two wars or the erosion of our constitutional rights. It must be that the Unhappy People watch too much TV or eat too many bowls of sugar frosted cereal. Not that I advocate watching TV (I’m addicted to “MythBusters” and “Man vs. Wild”) or eating sugar coated Chocolate Bombs. There are far better things to do and precious little time to do them. It’s just that these stories, these sociological studies, these cultural surveys, seem so shallow and distracting and pointless. Why pay attention to the oh, so obvious pronouncements? These studies seem to be an addiction unto themselves. Wouldn’t we be better off studying squirrels in the backyard?

Well, I know I would. I’m watching the squirrels, and I’m keeping data on their behavior, and I’m going to publish an article, and I’m going to title it- “Happy Squirrels Eat More Sunflower Seeds, Watch Less TV.” Look for it on “LiveScience.com”.