Dating can be like a job interview. We ask the questions: career, hobbies, interests, education and music. The list can go on forever.
There is one topic that is always taboo when dating. Money. Should it be your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s business to know how much money and how much debt you have?
When should they know? Early in the relationship? The day before marriage? How about after the knot has been tied?
For singles who have no debt, would it be an issue if you found your significant other had $150,000 worth of student debt and credit card debt? Debt is a reality because education isn’t free and credit card debt is all too common for the ‘want it now’ society. It affects our credit ratings and our ability to borrow for future (ie: mortgage).
On the flip side, if you knew you were heavily indebted, when would you tell your significant partner?
And when marriage enters the picture, where does that leave both parties? There is a mortgage, car payments, planning for retirement and planning for children – items that are real and challenging if there were existing financial difficulties before the relationship.
It is the new reality that dates aren’t what they use to be. Financial independence and personal wealth are becoming a real issue for many men and women who meet others with different financial situations.
As the relationship becomes serious, few individuals ever talk about the subject. It is taboo. Why should he or she know how much I make, how much I’ve saved or how much I spend?
There are 5 top items that should be discussed in any relationship:
1. Sex
2. Division of Labour (ie: Who cooks and who washes the dishes)
3. Career/Ambition (ie: Who moves where and who will be the bread winner)
4. Children (ie: Education, how many etc..)
5. Money
We get the first item right, but what about the fifth? There needs to be a real, honest and open discussion about the issue. Money affects how people live and how they feel about their daily lives. Marriage is about what mine is yours. Upon divorce, it is also 50% of what is mine is yours. Debt included. Financial matters make a large impact to the quality of life one may enjoy with their partner.
So when should a couple ever talk about money? At what point in the relationship should this be addressed?
September 14th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Now I understand why this generation of men and women are so screwed up when it comes to dating and relationships. A relation isn’t supposed to be a job interview. A relation is supposed to be rewarding and fun. A date is about sharing something and making a memory that you want to last forever. It’s an opportunity for you to share something worth fighting to protect. Bring the lawyers in before you care and you never will. You will get screwed or screw your partner before the committment is made.
September 28th, 2008 at 8:56 am
It’s funny, because as I was reading your article, that creditreport.com commericial with the guy playing the guitar kept popping into my head and I caught myself atleast 4 times singing or humming the tune. It just shows that it really is 2008, almost 2009, and the simplicity of every aspect of life has completely changed or disintegrated. What happened to the good old days when in the midst of a date forming into a relationship all you worried about was whether or not you had food stuck between your two front teeth?? The world is changing, faster than we ever thought, and it seems that the one thing that we want the most can’t even be as easy as we always dreamed. That’s Love, folks. I believe that if love truly exists between two people, it shouldn’t matter at what point you tell them or how much debt you are in. Love is about working together to build a new, better, stronger, debt-free life as a TEAM. There is no ‘I’ in ‘Love’.